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The Civility Gap

{ Sunday, March 4th, 2012 }

There is a very interesting article this week in the Christian Science Monitor. Please read it in the “links” area on my page. It shows the brutal fact that society as a whole is desperately in need of manners. If parents and adults are to lead by example for children and teens, where do our young people turn to for guidance? Bad behavior is running rampant in our world. The saying, “it takes a village” could not be truer in today’s society when it comes to teaching our young people.

Question on wedding invitation wording…

{ Saturday, March 3rd, 2012 }

Danielle
Location: Las Vegas, NV

Question: I am getting married soon and am creating my own invitations. Both my mom and dad are re married. How should I adress the fact that they are the ones giving my away: ie – Mr. C and Mrs. W….? And, how do I incorporate the step parents on the actual invitation? Or in some other way in the wedding?

Answer: That’s a great question Danielle! And, yes, you are correct. You can word it something to the affect of :  I will be given away by my parents, Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones. People will know when they see the different last names that they are no longer married to one another. Although, many women do keep their Maiden Names, you have made it clear in the statement, that they are your parents. You can have them
mentioned if you have a program. Technically, the people paying for the wedding are the only ones that must be on the invite. But, here is another option for the invite:  If both parents are jointly hosting, a wedding invitation sample may be:

Mr Christopher Smith and Mrs Audrey Wells
together with Mr & Mrs Andrew Neels
warmly invite you
to the union of their children,
James Andrew Smith to
Julia Marie Neels

Let me know if this helps…
Thanks so much!

Julie

Should I bring a gift to the wedding?

{ Saturday, March 3rd, 2012 }

Name: Teresa Scroggs
Location: Fairfax, VA

Question: I am invited to a friends wedding. I went to a tea this summer. My gift
to her at the tea was 4 place settings of her dishes. My question is, should I take
a gift to the wedding?

Dear Teresa, thank you so much for your message.  Although you gave a very nice gift for the bride to be’s Tea, or Bridal Shower, you will still need to puchase a wedding gift as well. It is much more preferred to either drop the gift off at the bride’s home prior to the wedding, or have it sent by mail. Please let me know if you have any more questions. Thanks!

Bullying

{ Saturday, March 3rd, 2012 }

When I was planning an 8th grade reunion a few years back, I noticed some interesting dynamics. First off, even at 40 years old, the kids that were bullied mercilessly in school, never forgot the pain. Almost 30 years later, that pain came flooding back. The second thing I noticed was that those that did the bullying were also very pained. Those bullies went on to get married and have children, and realized how much misery they inflicted on others. The guilt was overwhelming. In planning this reunion I observed adults I hadn’t seen in many, many years pouring their hearts out to those they used to tease.  They said as they got older, they were ashamed at how they treated others. And, those that had been bullied were left with wounds that still had not healed over. Although they were successful and popular adults, they never quite forgot that feeling of despair as a child. That feeling of not wanting to go to school in the mornings. Afraid of what type of torture they would have to endure that day. Where did I, Mrs. Goode Manners, fit in this equation? In grade school, I was fighting to keep myself out of the fray. I didn’t bully, and I wasn’t bullied, but I never stood up for those that were. I sat back and watched it happen. Junior High, as we know, is a very tenuous time. Even those that look like they are the popular ones are struggling with their own issues. I always ran the middle.  I didn’t want to stand up for the one being bullied, because I knew I could end up in the same place in moments. But, to this day, I am angry at myself that I didn’t do more. Or anything, for that matter. I found it fascinating in later life though, that the bully felt almost worse than anyone. Maybe they now have their own children who are bullied. That acknowledgement is a hard pill to swallow. In today’s society it is even more serious. Now we have the internet, cell phones, and texting. In other words, cyber-bullying. It is real, it is serious, and children and young adults are killing themselves at alarming rates. As parents, and adults, we need to help. One of the most important things we can do is to keep our eyes, ears and heart open. Why our heart? A couple of things. One, your child might be getting bullied. You need to be aware, and keep lines of communication open. But, secondly, and what I think is more important, is that you keep your heart open to the fact that your child might be a bully. No one wants to think that of their child, but I implore you to be open to this information. I hear all of the time, my child would never do that. Well, guess what? They may. You can help them, and more importantly find out why they are doing it. Maybe they are experiencing their own issues, and that is the way they are dealing with it to feel better about themselves. I would watch the film trailer I posted here with them. Let them know you are there for them, whether they are the bully or the one getting bullied. This is our window of time. Let’s not ignore it.